Anything with a high roof makes me think of the cars from the Pixar movie right away because of the way they look. It might look cute on a mail truck or something, but it scares me on a 2004 BMW 760Li High Security that has been protected. Not only do I wonder what kind of cartoon bad guy is riding in the back, but it looks a lot like me when I don’t cover my huge forehead. This limousine, one of BMW’s factory-protected 7 Series with the number E67 on it and a look like Megamind, is now for sale through VPS Motors, a company that builds and sells armored vehicles. According to Armormax, they can withstand high-velocity gun rounds because they were made to meet B7, which was Europe’s highest bulletproofing standard at the time. The highest grade for the supposedly 9mm Parabellum-proof Tesla Cybertruck, on the other hand, would be a B4. Not only can’t be broken into, but these technologies are also so resistant to attacks that you can only fully understand how strong they are by going through their feature lists. To begin, several layers of ballistic-glazed fused glass are held together by polycarbonate to keep them from breaking. They can also be opened all the way. If it’s too dangerous to open the doors, the car has an emergency fresh air system built in, and the glass can be blasted out on purpose from the inside to help people get out. The Bugatti Veyron’s run-flat Michelin PAX tires are on it, along with heavy-duty wheels that put out fires electronically and an attack warning. For example, think about an alarm that is meant to scare people away by sounds too loud. If someone hadn’t raised the roof by 4.5 inches, everything would work much better. Maybe even VPS itself. No, this is not how E67s come from the factory. A European-protected car dealer has one with a roof that is the normal height. I wonder why it was done because I don’t remember many NBA players who live in the Persian Gulf states, which is where VPS says they want to sell this car. You’re right, VPS. A protected BMW can only keep you so safe, no matter how strong the roof is. Yes, an A.30-06, but a JDAM? When your paid killers get to where your body parts are scattered, they won’t know it was a BMW. That might be a good thing, depending on how you feel about BMWs from the Chris Bangle era or the kind of petro-monarchy princes who drive around in these kinds of cars. Obviously, the first problem can be fixed by getting another one of VPS’s strange protected cars. They can make them from a GMW Tank 500 SUV made in China or a Porsche Cayenne that has been stretched very far. They would definitely make me a protected King Kong Cannon if I asked them to. But think about trying to get that through US customs. They would search every part of my body so thoroughly that they would miss my other King Kong Cannon. You know, my little die-cast that I hide somewhere no one can find it.
